Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
