Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
