you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
