then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just want to make out with him forever
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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