he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
