The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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