the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
