margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
