I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
