My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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