Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
