Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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