I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
