i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
