so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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