You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
