apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
