A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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