just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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