Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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