Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i will never coherently bang her
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
