the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Randomize
