a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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