when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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