There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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