I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
