So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
they need to just BURY HIM!
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
