a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
