Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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