My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
