Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
