you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
