did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
sarcasm needs its own font
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
