he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
