my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
