I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
