my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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