dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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