I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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