More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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