She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
