something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
