Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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