drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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