so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Randomize
