if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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