happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
