Ambien. No doubt about it.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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