I can tuck mytits in my pants
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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