i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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