She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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