I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
