he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
