Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
