my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
