Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
