another moral hangover. fuck.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
